I guess this is a bit of a ‘Thanksgiving’ post, six weeks early? Though, in reality, it’s always a good time to give thanks!
I had a shit day yesterday.
Apologies to those of you sensitive to swearing – I know there’s a few of you readers who are, however, there’s truly no other word to describe yesterday.
Ok, fine. That’s not strictly true – I had a *wonderful* morning. I caught up with a friend I haven’t seen in months – we drank tea, started my French re-discovery, I went upstairs to another friends house, had more tea and came home – and, it was at that point, the wheels came off the wagon.
Two weeks ago, I took ‘the head-staggers’ and fired my maid and my driver – justifiably, mind you. Even after they were both gone, I’ve had remnant problems. But, on October 1st my new maid and driver both started – and I was SO VERY CONVINCED that these two were a perfect fit for my family and I wouldn’t need to search for another maid or driver for as long as I live.
I mean – I’m on my third full-time driver (I had a temp for two weeks but he doesn’t count in the statistics) and I have officially had four maids. In thirteen months (three of which I haven’t even been in the country!!) That’s a fairly high turnover, and I’m a NICE PERSON, DAMNIT!
No, really, I AM!!
Anyways. I thought these two, were MY two. FOREVER. My maid had perfect English, great cooking skills, great initiative, she was discreet and excellent at cleaning – but she brought with her some family drama, that came to a head yesterday.
Amidst the drama, I found myself outside my friend Aneka’s door, without invitation, verging on tears and completely worked up to high-doe – to discover that she was out for the afternoon. I go home, (quietly relieved that I didn’t just have a nervous breakdown to my lovely friend) and I text her to let her know that I had stopped by. She calls back, concern in her voice (cause I’m not normally one to just land on your doorstep uninvited) and asks “Are you ok, babe?” I choke out a “No” and start to cry. We chat for a few minutes, I try and quietly tell her what’s going on, and she very kindly says that she’ll check on me when she gets home and we’ll catch up tomorrow so I can explain what happened.
By this point I have also text my friend Maxine and asked her if she was home, she replies “Yes… you wanna cup of tea?!!!” – just like that.
Already she’s one of the coolest people I know. And clearly has a ‘she needs a cuppa’ sense.
I warn her that I’m weepy.
In return, she warns me that she’s an empathetic weeper – so may very well join in on my tears.
Over I go, all teary-like, and highly strung. She makes me a cuppa, apologizes for not having any cake (cause her Britishness dictates when you have company, you need cake – and her company turned up with a meltdown, and no treats!) she very kindly listened to my woes, gave me advice on my situation and immediately tried to help fix it (I have a maid candidate coming for interview on Saturday morning, because of her).
I went home, let the maid go, cried a lot, angry cleaned my kitchen and headed out to pick up my little boy from basketball practice. On my way, I sent some “Eff today, Eff India, I hate it here and want to go home to Texas” messages to a couple friends (Poor Liz, Amber and Sharleene! LOL!). When we got home, Maxine sent me some salmon en croute for dinner (which was DELICIOUS) and a few friends checked in with me before they turned in for the night, to make sure I had stopped crying and was no longer losing my shit.
I went to bed exhausted, defeated, emotionally raw and feeling more than a little sorry for myself. I woke up, late, with what felt like an emotional hangover, and, in truth, I momentarily considered cancelling my entire days worth of plans, just cause I wanted to hide in a quilt fort and eat Nutella straight from the jar.
But let me tell you about some of this fab fam-tribe I have found here – who absolutely turned my frown upside down!
Aneka and I had a cuppa this morning, we hopped a rickshaw in front of our society, and took the scenic route to the mall, where we had nice drinks and nice chat. She’s often one of my ‘perspective’ friends, (some days even a little *too* like my friend Sheri in Houston), in that she always helps me remove myself from whatever mire I’m drowning in and helps me find perspective on how things are, or how I’m feeling about something, or helps me look at things from a different angle. I always come away feeling better for having just been chatting to her and being near her positivity.
While I was with Aneka, Lilly (who was working) checked in via WhatsApp and said something that resonated with me (other than telling me she loves me – which was more than enough to make me smile!) she told me not to let India take over my emotions – which, reflecting over the last few days (weeks, months…), I absolutely had done. Virtual hugs from Lilly and a chat about ‘making lists about what we are grateful for’ later and my mood continues to improve.
After my cuppa with Aneka, Debbie (who, upon learning I had a bad day yesterday, text back saying ‘let’s do lunch tomorrow and cheer you up!’) and Maxine (who I’ve discovered I need to take some ‘just the two of us’ selfies with!!) joined me for some relaxing, mani-pedi, girl time, at the salon (you’d think after my bending her ear yesterday, Maxine would have wanted a mani-pedi ANYWHERE ELSE than where I was – but, like I said up there ^^ she’s one of the coolest people I know!)
It was at this point, Sylviane offered to send her maid over to my house for a couple of hours to help me out today. I almost cried tears of joy and-all-but-yelled YES PLEASE from the rooftops! She sent her maid to the house to do my floors and kitchen (the two parts that need *constantly* cleaning around here!) and I legitimately may KISS HER FACE for being so kind and helpful.
For lunch, Debbie (who I clearly also need some selfies with!!) and I went to a new and highly recommended café, in a part of town that I really enjoy spending time. We met up with Amara (that’s four in-person meet ups before 2pm, if you’re counting! LOL!) and we tried maybe six dishes from their hugely extensive menu – aside from a couple being a little spicy and us being baked by the blistering and relentless sun, we enjoyed it all – and – the three of us not only took food home for our families, but we also vowed to go back soon as well.
I get back to the (CLEAN and empty) house to find that Eleanor had dropped off a rather sizable chunk of fresh, homemade, (and delicious) lemon tart (which I obviously have to INSTANTLY sample – ’cause, tart!) and then my dam broke – there were more tears.
Today’s tears weren’t the same as yesterdays tears, they were happy tears, grateful tears, blessed tears – because, when they say ‘It takes a village’, it doesn’t just apply to raising a child, it also applies to expat life – ‘they’ sure as hell aren’t wrong, it DOES take a village. I’m so incredibly lucky and honoured to have a truly impressive, pro-active, and loving tribe of women here who rally round you on the absolute worst of days, just to make sure you’re ok, to make sure you know you’re loved and to force you not to let it spill over in to subsequent days and consume you. And I’m even MORE lucky that my tribe here includes more than the women I’ve mentioned in this blog – I have a wide circle
If you are married to these women, related to these women, or are friends with these women – I sincerely hope you know just how special they all are, and how lucky you are to have them all in your lives. Because they’re all exceptional and extraordinary ladies, and, despite my difficulties here in India? I honestly wouldn’t change my time here for anything – because the friends I’ve made, have more than made every bad day that I have had, worth it and I love and appreciate them more than this wee blog post about how much they all rock, can ever really convey!
We’re a couple of weeks later, so I hope you are now feeling better! Expat life is not all glamour and glory, hah. I have also discovered that in times of trouble having real friends – physical ones living nearby – are more precious than gold. Greetings from a tiny village in France full of lovely neighbors and friends. (PS: I am Dutch, married to an American).
I’d love to say that I am, however my husband was laid off/made redundant last week and life has gotten hugely complicated and incredibly stressful. I’m SO thankful for my friends right now though – you’re right, they are more precious than gold!